Naruto, a stranger in an all too familiar land
by facepalmttm
Summary: Basically, it's a story about how Naruto gets ostracised and mistreated by Konoha, until he becomes a hermit and hides from Konoha society. He will grow strong, but no matter what he does, will it ever be enough for him to gain acceptance?
1. Prologue

**Hi guys, I'm new and this is my first story. I'm gonna write a story on Naruto, it'll be adventure and kinda dark, then another for Dresden Files, and another for Bleach. Then…..yeah. We'll see how it goes. For members, please comment. I'm not looking to be a writer or anything, but hey, this might be interesting. And I'll like to know where my English would need improving. To readers, review or something, dammit. =.= Need some acknowledgement . Ok, this story would involve Naruto in the first person view, but there might be some moments where I'll go into third person or second person POV. **

Sarutobi Hiruzen surveyed the wreckage that was, once, verdant, fertile land of Konohagakure. Although Minato had successfully defeated the Kyuubi, the consequences of their pyrrhic victory were shockingly visible. Legions of ninja had strode from Konohagakure, with the knowledge that they were on their home ground, that they were defending their families, that they were serving a higher cause, and that they had prepared all they could to inflict as much damage on their opponents and stay alive.

They strode from Konohagakure and into death. He could still remember, brief flashes of carnage and desperation and bone-shaking weariness, as he marshalled battalions of ninjas to hurl their varied jutsus at their enemy, in specific sequences, combinations and formations. It barely stung the demon fox. He remembered the hundreds of ninja who died, and are still dying, because of the incredibly foul nature of the Kyuubi's chakra. He remembered the Kyuubi forming the Bijuu Dama's and he shuddered. He had nearly died trying to stop the Bijuu Dama. At least, Hiruzen thought, he could deflect the Bijuu Dama and minimise its damage enough so that the devastation did not reach the village.

Small comfort to those ninjas who has been blasted into oblivion.

And at the very last, Minato appeared, using his Hiraishin technique. The Yondaime Hokage, who inherited the mantle of Hokage from him, upon whom he placed his trust, and the heavy, heavy burden of protecting the village upon, saved them all.

He died saving them.  
>His wife died saving them.<p>

Perhaps the worst of all was that his son did _**not**_ die. He survived. To bear upon his so very young shoulders the hate of an entire village. The hate of a world, to a young child's eyes. For within Naruto, the demon fox was sealed with the power of the Shinigami, and the last of Minato's and Kushina's chakra.

And hence, the child became a receptacle of hate from the villagers. God save those poor fools if Minato and Kushina were present.

"Sandaime-sama. The village has convened." Ah, there was the ANBU head. What was he doing here? What meeting? Hiruzen struggled to brush off the fog that had filled his mind. There would be time to be tired, later, when he was dead and buried, like his successor.

"Oh." He remembered. "I'll be going down shortly," he murmured, still transfixed on the visible damage the Kyuubi had wrought. If only the Kyuubi only did that much, he thought. Besides taking Minato and Kushina away from them, it was very possible that the Kyuubi could cause Naruto a world of hurt.

"Sir? Sir?" Oh. He had been ignoring the ninja. "What's it" he tiredly commanded.

"Sir…." The head hesitated. "Should we really inform the villagers about Uzumaki Naruto being the jinnchuriki of the Kyuubi?"

Kakashi had a point. And here he was, afraid that he would come to resent Naruto, seeing him as the incarnation of the Kyuubi…apparently he overcame his prejudice. Or maybe not, his voice held an undertone of grief and rage….but no one, on this day, could avoid not feeling grief, could they? "Yes. We should. Because…I trust the villagers. And Minato wanted Naruto to be a hero, for what Naruto had done. What he was doing." Although Hiruzen said that, his eyes betrayed his uncertainty of what he was about to do, even as he shunshined to village center.

"On this day, many have died. I am proud to say that the valour of Konoha ninjas did not waver, even in the face of overwhelming odds. We fought, and we died for our country, our people, and our families. That is the will of fire, and because of our efforts, it continues to burn brightly!" Hiruzen raised his clenched fist, to the crowd's approval. "However, I have something to announce. The Kyuubi cannot be slain, not by mortal means, for it is a thing of chakra and will. However, it can be sealed." The crowd became silent.

Ominously silent. Hiruzen began to wonder if he was doing the right thing. He forged on. "Minato sealed the Kyuubi into this boy here. Uzumaki Naruto keeps the Kyuubi caged! He is a –" "DEMON!" A villager yelled. Hiruzen stood in stunned disbelief. A fury started to mount in him. "Who dares to interrupt m-" "DEMON! DEMON! DEMON! KILL! KILL! KILL!" Street litter pelted the stage Hiruzen was on. For a second, he felt sorely tempted to go among them and unleash his carefully kept temper.

For a second. Until he was jerked into present happenings when a rock struck Naruto's head. Hiruzen swore, and evacuated the place immediately. He had no wish to stay there longer and allow the crowd to do more harm to Naruto. Besides. He was Hokage, and it would be remiss of him if he were to slaughter the entire village. Even if he wanted to, so very much….

He bent low, and began channelling medical chakra to the gash on Naruto's head. The damage done was considerable, consisting of a deep abrasion and a cracked skull, but it was already healing, courtesy of the Kyuubi. "I'm sorry, little one." Hiruzen said in a cracked voice. "Because of my foolish trust, I may have condemned you to untold suffering….."

**It just occurred to me how hard it'll be to write an adventure story involving Naruto in the first person POV. So...I'll be considering how to go about it, if I have to, I'll switch between 3rd person POV and 1st person POV. Yeah. Meanwhile, enjoy, if you like this, and leave some damned reviews so I know how to proceed.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. I've looked at my first chapter. I know, it's pathetically short. Goddamn it, it's barely one page…..but I'll try to make the chapters longer. 5k words or something. Maybe 6k, for all the rot on these author notes here. I've requested the help of a beta reader, but I don't know how to get the damned docs for him to read, so…heck it, just read the damned story, and if there are any glaring mistakes, or you simply hate my writing style because of a very important and urgent reason, leave it in a review. I've considered writing in different POVs, but they'll be in separate chapters. I don't think I should disrupt the story's flow in one chapter, hence my decision.**

_It hurt._

That was the overriding thought in my head as I begrudgingly opened my eyes. It was dawn, and the first rays of light as the sun cleared the horizon stabbed into my eyes painfully. Good. It provided a distraction from the pain my body was so clearly feeling right now. I took stock of my injuries. A few broken ribs, some gashes which were barely scabbed over, and incredible soreness all over, even considering my abnormally fast regeneration. Especially _down below._

Apparently, I had performed some horrendous crimes in my past life to deserve this hell. And I was only 6, dammit. Or I think I'm 6. I never really knew my particulars, including my birth date. Even the Hokage, who treated me _almost_ like another human being, didn't disclose such information to me. Who had the _right_, dammit, to know…..

Since I was born, I was hated universally, by everyone in the village, save the Hokage, bless him, and some of his trusted ninjas. From day 1, according to some papers I sneaked a peek of at the Hokage's tower when visiting the old man, I was the victim of multiple assassination attempts.

I know. Bastards, weren't they? To murder such cuteness…anyway. You can't really blame them. I doubt they'd have acted like that to anyone else who wasn't me.

Who wasn't a monster.

The first week since my birth, was, according to the report, absolute chaos. Over 100 assassination attempts, each more brutal, lethal and _painful _even to read about than the last were made on my life. Wow. That was more than 14 a day.

Anyway. The Hokage put an end to this by adopting a zero-tolerance policy. Which meant killing the fuck out of anyone who dared to attempt to kill me.

Because of me, a hundred ninjas died. Sometimes, my heart just seems to explode when I think of what the Hokage did meant, for me. It meant that he valued me. He put me over his ninjas. He loved me. Someone loved me enough to kill others to ensure my safety.

It made me happy. Then I thought about how the villagers hated me more because of that. And how that single action brought more ninjas against the Hokage than any amount of taxes could possibly have managed.

How 100 ninjas died for my sake. I never looked at the records of those who were executed. For the sake of a monster.

Since then, I was never physically mistreated. Not openly, anyway. I was placed in the care of the Konoha orphanage, after the first week. It was there that I learnt speech from the abuse the caretakers would hurl at me. It was there that I learnt how to change my own nappies, even at the so very tender age of 1 month. Just kidding. I never got any new nappies. After being in the filth of my own nappies for 3 weeks, I managed to ditch them. Then, I did my business on the mattress itself, until it got so smelly a nurse threw it out.

With me along it.

I was placed in a discreet side-alley, chained to the side-door of the orphanage by my infant neck. My first memories was the stench in the kennel and the discomfort of the rust and weight of the collar on my infant neck. When the Hokage came to check on me, I was dunked in warm water, rushed to an empty cot and displayed to the old man. After that, it was back in the kennel. When it got cold, I received a lice-ridden blanket. It kept me from death's door. When it grew hot, I got heatstroke. I would have died if not for my abnormal regeneration, granted by the Kyuubi.

Yeah. I knew about the damned fox. I was told by the villagers in private, in an attempt to hurt me. Or further hurt me. Shush now, I'm busy recalling my infanthood, as it were.

When I finally turned 5, I was expelled from the orphanage, claiming that I was hurting the other orphans. In the orphanage. When I was out in the side-alley, getting knocked around by other resentful villagers and ninjas, who liked to hit me, throw stuff at me, spit on me, and use some pretty intriguing genjutsu and ninjutsu on me, while at the same time keeping me on the edge between life and death, to avoid the wrath of the Hokage. Like Katon ninjutsu. Apparently, I was causing people to become ill, as I sat out in that dank alley smelling the refuse and excreta from my own body. I was "blatantly harmful and malicious and should not be given the comfort of this orphanage", according to the matron. I was harmful, alright. Sometimes I had to kill and feed on rats nearly as big as I was, when she "forgot" to feed me.

Goddamn them.

The Hokage made a fuss, replaced the staff of the orphanage, but even the new staff remained firm. So he gave in, and got me an apartment. Compared to the side-alley I lived my infanthood in, it was heaven. It had four walls and a roof, and bed and blankets.

"How could a kid of a mere 5 years take care of himself?" one might ask. In fact, how could a kid of only 1 month already retain memories and be cognizant of things around him?

I gotta say, when you've been the victim of over 100 assassination attempts from the proud old age of 1 day, and went to death's door and back, you tend to mature faster, mentally, to learn to survive better. Ask any street kid. They learn fast, because if not, they die. For me….I guess with my somewhat more extreme circumstances and a furry demon fox in my belly, the effects were amplified.

So I was the proud owner of my little piece of Heaven. Until the goddamn council fucked the old man and me up royally, by declaring me a citizen, and stating that the Hokage had no power over civilians, only over ninjas.

The old man went into a fit. I wasn't at the council myself, but when he came to tell me the news personally, I could see his temper lashing out behind the iron cage of restraint it was trapped in. It frightened me and comforted me at the same time.

In the end, he settled with the council for me living in the apartment, but the deed to the apartment itself was given to a landlord, with the Hokage paying the landlord rent annually.

No one knew that that was what the council wanted.

I lived in the apartment happily for the first day, eating some canned food, and just enjoying having a place to call mine, for the first time. Enjoy the safety of living in the apartment. Where no one could come and do some nasty things to me, like burning me with Katon ninjutsus and snuffing the fire out only when they thought even the Kyuubi's regeneration wouldn't be able to save me.

When night fell, I went to sleep. And woke up in the middle of the night with a hard kick to my head.

Apparently, the council knew that it couldn't risk killing me, since I was, firstly a jinnchuriki, and a precious military resource, no matter how much they hated me. Secondly, the Hokage was my guardian, and if someone killed me…..no one wanted him to go on a rampage as he did in my first week. So it settled for something else.

To make my life a living hell. According to the sneering lard-ass of a landlord, who incidentally, was also the one who informed me of my furry tenant, this would serve several things. It would make my life a living hell, which was nearly everyone's desire. It would weaken my individuality, allowing them to control me more easily. The council would be able to gain money, since it charged villagers, discreetly, of course, for the opportunity to pay me a _visit_.

That day, they violated me. In succession. I still remember everything about the event. About how they hurt me first. Then used me brutally, until they were all satiated. After which, no surprise here, they did it all over again.

They branded me. One of them was quite capable with fuuinjutsu. At that time, I didn't know what it was, only that someone was cutting intricate stuff into my skin. Then they activated the seal, and I passed out.

I learnt later that it was designed to kill me, if a specific counter-seal wasn't applied every 24 hours after that. Again, by the landlord, just to watch me squirm in despair. Perverted ass-monkey. It was to prevent me from going to the Hokage. And as much as I hated my life, I didn't want to die. I don't know what awaits me after death. But for someone like me, it probably won't be a choir and some white gates.

Thus I spent a year. I still don't know if I should've just died. Hell probably had less torment inside its pits. But if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that things can _always_ get worse, if you're in a village full of people who hate your guts.

Best not to tempt fate.

I glanced up at the sun. No, I didn't have a clock. I never had anything in my apartment, except some food, some clothes, water, and the occasional torture implement that some bastard left behind to save himself the trouble of bringing it here again.

I'll say it again. _Goddamn bastards_.

It was roughly 8.00am now. Just in time for me to wash up and change to visit the Hokage. He'd called for me. He obviously wanted to get me in the ninja academy, since I was of age now, and I was a military resource, after all….

No, I told myself firmly. I shouldn't think that of the old man. Of all the people in the village, he was the only one who treated me like I was actually human. I shouldn't guess at his motives.

But a dark corner of my heart whispered, _"But you'd never know if he's holding a knife behind his back. He's the Hokage, after all. Don't you think he'd know of your abuse? Why hasn't he stepped in to defend you?"_

I very firmly booted that part of my consciousness into a hastily visualised iron cage. Then locked it. And imagined dropping the key down a bottomless well.

Leaving the apartment, I braced myself. I would have to travel through some main streets to get to the Hokage tower, and while I couldn't be lynched in public, due to the oversight of the Hokage, it didn't mean that the villagers would leave me alone. Some small acts of cruelty, some harsh words…inevitable, to the Hokage's eyes.

What most of us don't know is that the tiniest things can have the largest impact on some people.

As I moved out from a side-alley I took, I could feel the animosity like a punch to the gut. I sucked in a breath. Not gonna be pleasant.

I arrived at the Hokage's tower drenched in water. That was a considerable improvement. Earlier, I had rotten eggs and stones thrown at me, and somehow, there was always someone who _accidentally_ bumped into me. With their elbows or knees. If the ninjas outside the Hokage tower hadn't washed me off with a Suiton jutsu….the Hokage would be entertaining a little boy covered in filth. Not exactly the way to make the Hokage happy….

I strode into the Hokage's chamber, ignoring gleefully the look of absolute hatred his receptionist shot me. "Hey ya, old man!" I greeted him cheerfully.

"Naruto! Hmmm….." he considered me carefully. I blushed. I was dripping water all over his floor.

"Grab a towel there, Naruto, and if you'd please, tell me the story behind your outfit?" he gestured towards some drawers. I grabbed the proffered towel. It wasn't exactly winter, but it was still cold, and I'd nearly died of hypothermia too many times to count. I didn't exactly like cold, as you may guess.

"Erm, it was nothing, old man! I simply forgot to wash my clothes, so I dumped some water on 'em to clean 'em!" I said enthusiastically. He considered me for awhile, his eyes piercing. I did nothing. One does not deceive the God of Shinobi. Either he knew what happened and chose to do nothing…or he knew what happened and chose to do nothing.

He relaxed after awhile. My dark side started muttering. I thought about how cliché it was to have a dark side and concentrated on bunnies and daisies and sunshine. Or what I imagined them to be, anyway. Hopefully he'll be a good boy and go chase some bunnies.

"The truth is, Naruto", the Hokage went on "you're 6 years old now. That means you're of age to enter the ninja academy. If you want to, you can start tomorrow."

"Erm….old man…"

"Let me finish." His voice was sharp. I sat back and very firmly shut my lips together. Only idiots defied the Hokage when he got serious.

"The truth is, being a ninja is a deadly business. You put your life on the line to complete your orders, and when you die, you almost always will meet a most ignominious death. But there's one saving grace about it. You will be serving your village to the best of your capability. You will live and die for the sake of protecting people. Civilians. And your life and death will increase the security of the capital. I won't force you, Naruto. You got to make this decision by yourself. However,….it's entirely too possible that you _can't_ find work anywhere else, due to the unwarranted animosity the villagers bear for you." That sounded _so_ appealing. To protect those who hated my guts and made my life miserable. To defend those who I never heard of and didn't give two hoots about. I pretended to think it through. Anyway, I would be forced to accept. A thought struck me. If I absolutely _had_ to be a ninja, I'd want to be strong. So strong, no one could ever hurt me again. Strong enough to break my shackles to this damned village.

Strong enough to escape. But wouldn't it be poetic justice, a part of me wondered, to have the monster serve those the families of those he killed until his own death? If so, why bother getting strong, why bother living at all, in fact-

I cut off that line of thought viciously. I didn't want to dwell on the idea that I might be a monster. That I might be worthless. That my very life, my existence itself was a blight upon this world. If I spent too long thinking that, I'll kill myself in short order.

An inspiration struck me. If I went to the ninja academy, it could be argued that I was part of the military! Then I could have my own apartment….

I looked at the Hokage. I'd spent too long in my thoughts, and I couldn't have him doubting my loyalty to the village. I couldn't alienate my only ally in the village. I nodded tentatively and smiled. "I think I want to become a ninja! I'll dedicate my life to protecting people!"

The Hokage smiled slightly and ruffled my hair. "It'd be tough, my boy, but remember those words you've said! They will help you through difficult times in your training. Now, just have to get the forms out….." he trailed off. I nodded. What else could I do?

"Ok, sign here…." He said distractedly, rearranging the massive stack of papers that was currently his desk. "Erm, gramps? Do you think I can have the apartment to myself now, since I'll be entering the ninja academy?"

"What'd you mean, Naruto? Did the landlord sublet your apartment?" Yeah, right. Like you didn't know what went on in it.

"No, it's….." I searched desperately for an excuse. I couldn't reveal my secrets to the Hokage. I'd die from the seal on my back…

Shit. I'd forgotten. That damn seal! It was impossible for me to escape my tormentors.

Fuck it.

"Nothing, gramps, it'd just be cool to own it!"

I signed the forms and left. What else could I do? I was trapped. For all eternity, in Hell.

Welcome to my life.

That night was the worst night ever. Apparently, it had something to do with me "being a big boy now".

Fuck 'em. Fuck them all.

I quickly dressed my injuries- _god, when would my wounds ever fully heal completely_- and hanged out of the ripped clothing I had on into something more decent. Which meant clothes that looked like they belonged on someone living on the streets for a few years rather than a few decades. An improvement was an improvement, however, and I'd take any improvements. God knows I needed them.

I looked myself in the mirror. At best, I looked like a severely malnourished rat who had been on the losing end of several one-sided fights. That was as good as I was gonna get, I decided.

Thus began my first day at the ninja academy.

I managed to get there using several innovative short-cuts, avoiding the main streets completely, and raced into the classroom before anyone could get their hands on me. Naruto: 1. Villagers….over 9000.

As I walked into the building, I was shoved unexpectedly from behind. "Ooops, sorry, I didn't see a miserable rat in my path. Hmm…you know what they say to do with rats…." A large man clad in ninja attired sneered at me. "Anyway, what are rats doing in here? This place is for ninjas, not rats." He spat venomously.

Dismay and disappointment struck me. I'd thought it'd be different at least in the school itself. Damn, could I never get a break?

…No reply from up above. _God damn it._ I prepared to kiss some ass. I was experienced at it, both verbally and physically.

Sometimes, I hated my life.

"Sir, I'm very sorry, sir, but the Hokage…he told me I had to attend…." I allowed my voice to trail off. It was always better to act submissive to them. At least you'd escape any punishment for being _cheeky_.

"Is that so?" The man's eyes widened briefly. Ah hah. He knew he couldn't boot me out of the academy, then. The Hokage would be on him like flies on shit. "Well, little _demon_" he spat the last word out with a vicious menace that made me flinch. "I for one don't think you belong anywhere near here." He slapped me hard. I saw stars for a moment. When my vision returned, I was sprawled on the floor and could taste blood. I felt my lip. The cut was already closing.

"That's where demons like you belong, just 6 feet lower." He kicked me in the side for good measure, then, dare I say it, daintily stepped over me like he was stepping over an uncommonly large and smelly cow turd on the street.

I got up slowly. He'd gotten one of my ribs which were broken from the previous night. Which, to be fair, was the majority of my ribs. It still didn't make up for the fact that it hurt like a sonofabitch. Luckily, I've kinda gotten used to pain. You had to get used to it, or you wouldn't survive in my shoes a nanosecond.

Lucky me, alright.

Following some signs, I hurried off to find my classroom. I was lucky that I was only just slightly early, which meant most of the people already vacated the corridors. Good. I didn't need more of those encounters.

I entered the classroom with a smile and a wave. Hey, it wasn't as idiotic as it sounded. I was dealing with kids of my age. They wouldn't have heard of me being the container of the Kyuubi, since the Hokage looked very sternly on that. Although that didn't stop my condition being whispered around corners of the street like a curse.

It sure didn't stop that blabbermouth of my landlord, though.

I didn't count on their parents' raising them to hate me, though. On second thoughts, I should have known. When I had to travel by the main streets, parents would always drag their kids away from me like I was a plague. Which I might be, in their eyes.

I definitely didn't count on the teacher being there. It was a mistake an idiot shouldn't have made. Or maybe I just didn't see him as a threat. After all, he was going to teach me to become a ninja of Konoha.

Apparently, no one informed him that he wasn't supposed to hurt me.

The son of a bitch of a teacher slammed the door in my face. He was standing right behind the door, and just when I entered, he stepped forwards and slammed the bloody door in my face, which now felt like someone lit a bonfire on it.

The teacher opened the door. "Ooops, I'm sorry, didn't see you there, are you alright?" he asked superciliously, one eyebrow raised, daring me to argue. For a moment I contemplated punching him right in the face and asking him the same question back.

I took a deep breath. Restrain yourself, Naruto. Survival is the better part of valor. I swallowed down my burgeoning anger.

"No, it's alright." I answered shortly. I made for an empty seat when the teacher stood in front of me. "Excuse me, sir." I attempted to slide past him. He moved in front of me again.

"It is highly unfortunate that we have no empty seats in the classroom. You'll have to stand outside." He grinned vindictively. There were at least 3 empty tables in the classroom. I stared at him until I understood what they were doing.

They didn't want me learning to be a ninja? The thought confused me. I assumed that they would be all too delighted having a jinnchuriki fighting for them. Although their treatment of me obviously wouldn't endear them to me…just what was the council planning? While thinking, I excused myself and went to stand outside like some kid getting a time-out. Well, look on the bright side of things, I consoled myself. This could be an actual experience of me living like an ordinary kid! Just made you wonder how shitty my life was if the only silver lining I could find was that.

Wait. Screw that, I didn't need to wonder. I knew all too well what my life was like. Unfortunately.

I waited for what felt around 1 hour, when the door opened, and the ninja teacher led the class out. He glanced at me, and said, "Stay." He turned to the students and announced, "We're going to the throwing range where we'll start you guys off with some basic throwing, like how to grip the kunais and stuff. Follow me." He walked off without a backward glance at me. The class followed. Some of the kids cast some looks at my direction, but they had all been brainwashed enough that the looks were more of suspicion rather than sympathy or even curiosity.

Apparently Someone upstairs was of the opinion that my life wasn't tough enough. Instead of lying on my rickety bed in my apartment recuperating from the previous night, I simply HAD to get knocked around by some ninjas who had the idea that I was responsible, somehow, for all the deaths six years ago. Of course, it went without questioning that I was the source of all the illness, disease, poverty, death and even the bad smell in the public restrooms, since then.

Or maybe I really was the source. After all, who knew what the Kyuubi could do, in me? Perhaps I was simply harbouring it, while it reached out to affect the village in all the nasty ways it could think off? Wouldn't that make me a bad person, in this case? How was I to know for sure that the Kyuubi wasn't exerting his influence within me?

How was I to know for sure if I deserved the shit that was my life? I've borne the hell that was my life until now, since I knew of no other way to live, and better the devil I knew than the devil I didn't. But sometimes…things can wear you down slowly, like water eroding a rock, and I didn't know if I could live with things like they were for much more. I was so very weary, and getting the cold shoulder by my peers didn't exactly make my day better.

I sat on the floor and dozed off, lulled to sleep by my weariness. I still had some significant injuries, and my accelerated healing took abit out of me. Besides. Who knew when the teacher was coming back, so I might as well get some rest.

I woke up to a loud clanging sound. Oh, lunch time. My stomach growled helpfully. Usually the Hokage sent some food for me, like a present, though he had to know very well that it was vital for my continued survival from death by hunger. The villagers didn't like it, of course, but they didn't want me to die either, since most sane people wouldn't want to be publicly executed. Which was done to the first 100 people who made a move on my life, on my first day of birth.

I couldn't bring the food out, though. It was all canned food, and how the hell would I carry a can of food and a can opener, when all the pockets in my outfit had huge, gaping holes in them, and if I held them in my hand…I'd probably have an _accident_ involving me losing the food. And the only can opener I had.

My stomach growled again. Food. Right. I glared malevolently at my stomach. I'd grown used to hunger pangs, but it was never pleasant, and while after you had spent some time on the brink of famine, it would fade….but never entirely disappear, and when it struck…..it hurt like hell.

I looked around the hall. Nope, no buffet. At the floor. Nope, nothing down there. At the ceiling. C'mon, c'mon….zip. Zilch. Nada.

My stomach flashed in pain. Wait a minute….when did I last eat….oh, the day before yesterday. I ate some breakfast, since the previous night wasn't so bad, and I didn't feel like I'd hurl if I ate anything. Hmm….time to find out if the canteen staff was particularly fond of dirty kids who had a demon who killed over 35% of the village's population sealed in his stomach.

I painstakingly found my way to the canteen, through an ingenious system called "Following the signboards". Sometimes, I impress myself.

It was a fairly large room, meant to accommodate many kids and adults sitting and eating and chatting together. Looking at it now, the room served its purpose ably. I recognised my class among the many kids who were laughing and eating there. Most had lunchboxes prepared by their mothers, and I felt a flash of very intense jealousy, envy and _longing_ cascade on me. For a moment, I wondered what it would be like, if my mother was alive and loved me. Would she see me as a monster? Or would she love me like how the mothers of these kids loved them. Would she sing to me when I couldn't sleep, comfort me when I fell and encourage me to stand again? Would she wash my wounds when I got hurt, and brush the tears off my face? Would my mother tuck me into bed and kiss me goodnight? Or smile at me after coming home from a hard day's work? Teach me to speak and write, instead of me learning through streams of abuse directed at me?

Would she love me? Would she hold me in her arms and tell me, "everything's alright, darling, mama's here" when I woke up screaming and crying after a nightmare?

Would she save me from this hell my life was?

I wondered who my mom was. It was a need that could never be extinguished, no matter how old you get. You simply _had_ to find out who bore you to term and delivered you. I was no exception. The curiosity was no more than brief flashes of longing, of what could have been, when I slept and dreamt instead of having nightmares about what happened or was going to happen to me. I spent too much time struggling to survive than to consider such trivial stuff as my parentage.

Perhaps it wasn't as trivial as it initially seemed like. But then again, when your life is threatened and you're tortured every damn day of your life just to satisfy some perverted need for revenge that _I had nothing to do with_…..

I shook myself out of my stupor. If wishes came true….

A few kids who didn't have lunchboxes were buying food from the stall operating here. There was only one store, but it appeared they served a variety of food, and anyway the market couldn't sustain more than one stall, given the situation. The staff ninja teachers were giving me pointed looks and gesturing to me as they laughed and shared secret, cruel smiles.

I recognised more than one face there. I shuddered. No…stop remembering, Naruto, stop! I didn't need to remember what I experienced every night. Not here. Not in front of them. I'd be damned if I broke down and cried here. All the kids would avoid me like the plague, if they weren't already brainwashed to do that, and the ninjas would have the time of their lives.

My stomach chose this time to let itself be known and tried to wriggle out of my mouth in its search of food. I thought if I had any money. Then dismissed it out of hand as impossible. I was only given cents occasionally, at night after they were done with me, either to taunt me and make references to my value as a whore and as a living thing in whole, or …yeah. That.

Well, no money, and obviously no lunchbox…looked like I'd have to raid the trash, then. I made to leave. I wasn't going to dig for trash in here. That would _so_ endear me to my peers and I needed to be making allies with them, not estranging them. Which was already next to impossible, it appeared….

A hand laid itself on my shoulder. I tensed. If I turned...I could be hit for being rebellious. If I jumped, I'd be hit for daring to remove their hand from me. If I remained as I was…I could be hit for not acknowledging them.

Fuck it. They would hit me whatever I did, and maybe even without me doing anything. I turned to face the owner of the hand of my shoulder. He wore the standard garb of a ninja, flak jacket, Konoha headband, hand wraps, sandals. I didn't recognise him. I liked him already.

"Where do you think you're going, student?" He said harshly. I started to cringe, but caught myself. His tone was fierce, no doubt, but I didn't sense any impending violence from it. It was a skill I had to have to survive.

"Erm…I was just going outside…"

"Going outside? I'm not sure if you hadn't heard, but truancy is NOT tolerated here! Come with me! I'll show you how we do things in the ninja academy! We don't suffer a lack of discipline here! We train ninjas, not little kids who can't even follow simple instructions, and who runs away like a wuss after only half a day!" Great. Now everyone was staring at me like I was something unpleasant they stepped on.

"Please, sir," I tried. "I wasn't running away-"

"Save it! I don't want to argue with disobedient brats." He grabbed my shoulder and moved. I couldn't believe it. I thought he was decent, since he didn't participate in my nightly visits, and nearly everyone in the village had, one way or the other. Well, whatever he did would be decent compared to that, but…I trusted him. Naïve of me, sure. Stupid, certainly. Almost criminal. I should know better to trust people. It could get me killed.

To my surprise, he steered me to a table and pushed me down. "Sit" he said gruffly. He produced something from his pocket. I took it reflexively. It was a packet of biscuits. I looked at him. He was already speaking. "Eat. Afterwards, you're to clean this place up. You have until end of lunch break. That's what you get for trying to play truant, and I don't want to see you using the excuse of having nothing to eat to slack on the job."

I couldn't believe my ears. He was giving me food? "Sir, this biscuits…" I tentatively said. He glared at me. "Did you listen to me? You have 15 minutes to eat and clean this place. Get a move on!"

This must be divine intervention. Thank You, God. I tore into the biscuits. It was great. Anything would taste great, after not eating for so long. Hunger is the best sauce, after all, but still. It was even warm. And the "punishment" I received was nothing more than a slap on the wrist, at best!

I finished the biscuit and went to clean the canteen. It wasn't that tough. The test of the kids didn't like me, for sure, but I only received a few muttered insults and some half-hearted shoves. Not too bad. And when I went around cleaning the part of the canteen where the teachers were, a combination of apologizing, bowing and scraping, and acting submissive were sufficient for me to accomplish my mission without too much hassle.

I stacked up the mops and brooms just as the bell rung, and headed to class, just behind the class and the small cliques that were already forming. Huh. Friendship. Just another thing that I would never know…

I stood outside the door as they entered, debating whether to step in or not. If the teacher inside was the same as the one in the morning….

Fuck it. No one got anywhere with doubts. Anyway, what's the worst thing that he'll do? Give me another broken nose which would heal within an hour?

I opened the door and stepped inside cautiously. No bastard teachers slamming the door in my face yet. Good sign.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" Huh. Until now, I've never known my surname. As unlikely as it sounded, I'm not lying, even though I was pretty good at it. The Hokage usually referred to me as Naruto, and the rest of the villagers had _other_ names for me, none of them, as you may guess, was particularly complimentary.

I was so stunned at learning my new surname that I failed to respond until the teacher yelled my name again. "Uzumaki Naruto!" I looked up and faced the guy. I started. It was the same teacher that gave me the biscuits for lunch. Huh. I didn't know what to make of him. While it was true that he chewed me out and punished me for something I didn't do-technically, I was going out of the school compound, yeah, but only to find some food! It was totally legit…-he did give me something to eat, after all. Aside from the old man Hokage, no one had ever done that. And compared to what most of the villages liked to do to me…he was pretty vanilla.

Perhaps he actually wasn't an asshole like all his contemporaries. Perhaps….he would help me? Might I dare to believe that he was on my side?

While musing, I fortunately had enough presence of mind to respond. "Excuse me, sir?" I was too used to being deferential and submissive to others. It was something that had been ingrained into me. Except when I was meeting with the Hokage, after all. Then I knew enough to act happy and cheerful and oblivious to the bullshit that was my life. Or the fucking seal on my back would kill me.

"Explain to me why are you late! You came into the class 5 seconds after the bell rang! Do you think this is a place for you to just stroll in and out as and when you please? Hmm? Answer me!" He nearly shouted the last demand.

"I-I'm, I'm sorry, sir, I promise i-it won't h-ha-happen again." I stuttered fearfully. Raised voices scared me. It usually meant I was going to get it bad. I cringed away from the teacher in fear.

"Don't call me sir! Call me Iruka-sensei! Get to your seat! On the double!" I scampered to my seat before he changed his mind and bawled me out more, or worse, threw me out of class. At least in here, I had a chair to sit and a desk to lean on to sleep.

Iruka sensei began his lecture. "Now, this morning we introduced you to what a ninja is, the basic tenets of the ninja life, and outlined the rudimentary skills of a ninja, namely ninjutsu, genjutsu and taijutsu. You even managed to see some of the weapons we will be training you in later, such as the kunai and the shuriken, which are throwing weapons. You will be exposed to some basic kenjutsu skills as well, but you will mostly be fighting with kunais and shurikens, since they are essentials in a ninja's inventory. There is also one more art, known as fuuinjutsu," I perked up upon hearing the word fuuinjutsu. The art of sealing. Was it possible that I could learn to counter the seal the council placed on me? Hope spread its wings in me, and for once, I didn't chase it away. "…which, while useful, is hard to master and utilise, hence we will not go in depth into it for our curriculum. However, do note that the Yondaime Hokage used fuuinjutsu effectively to from his Hiraishin technique, so please do not underestimate _anything. _As a ninja, underestimating your opponent can get you killed, and underestimating an art may mean that you will miss out on the benefits the art will offer." AT this, a dark eyed boy with the hair of, I swear, a _duck_, snorted loudly. Iruka pointedly ignored him and continued. "You can read more about the Yondaime's exploits in our academy's library, as well as the more extensive ninja section in the Konoha library. That said, this afternoon, I will be exploring the concept of chakra and how chakra links into the different aspects of a ninja's skills.

"What is chakra?" At this rhetoric question, the duck-haired kid rolled his eyes and scoffed, as though it was the law of the universe that everyone should know this the moment they were conceived. Arrogant prick, I decided. Iruka demonstrated a surprising amount of patience and forged on. "Chakra is essentially an energy that resides in all living things, including us. It is formed from our spiritual and physical energies. We can do wondrous things with chakra, for example- "He turned to face the front of the classroom. "Walking on walls." He finished dryly, putting one foot on the wall and removing the other from the floor. He hung there, nearly horizontal to the ground, as the class ooohed and wowed. I didn't. It was hard to be impressed by simple defiance of the rules of gravity when I had seen and felt more complex uses of chakra.

Fine. Maybe I ooohed and wowed as well. Only a bit, though.

"Chakra can be used to enhance the body's performance, increasing the effectiveness of our taijutsu. It can be used to create devastating ninjutsu and complex genjutsu. In short, it is the key to become a ninja!

"Chakra are molded using the 12 different handsigns." Iruka proceeded to demonstrate, twisting his hands and fingers into intricate figures. "Repeat the 12 handsigns after me. Everyone got it? Good. It is important to practice them to form them fast. The speed at which you form them can mean an extra second or two that you have when confronting an opponent, and those seconds can spell your death or survival! Now, we shall begin some elementary chakra moulding exercises. I want each of you to take a leaf from my desk and make the Ram sign to focus your chakra. The objective of this exercise is to stick the leaf to your forehead. We have 2 hours, and at the end the one who keeps the leaf on his head the longest will get a prize!" There was a general clamour for the leaves, and only Iruka's best efforts kept a riot from breaking out. As usual, I kept to the back of the queue, along with a really shy girl. She had pale violet eyes, which were quite pretty, but at the same time I recognised those eyes. She belonged to a clan, which apparently had a dojutsu. Their speciality, from experience, was to cause internal injuries, sudden organ failure, paralysis and extreme pain, with a gentle touch. Needless to say, I didn't like those pale-eyed bastards. Still….this girl was cute…which meant she'd never like me, and I'd never be able to be worthy of her. Just like how I was beneath even the lowest of the low, in the hierarchy of Konoha society. She made to give up her place and move behind me, lowering her head. Ok. That's excessive shyness there. Perhaps something had happened to her? Nah. Couldn't be. She was a pale-eye, and looking at the way they carry on….they should be a prestigious clan. Best to keep my mouth shut.

Ah, fuck it. I was never _that_ smart after all. If I was, I would have chosen to die stillborn in my mom's womb. Speaking of that, I should go research who my parents were. Uzumaki…..perhaps the libraries had some stuff on them.

"Miss, it's ok, you should go in front! You can choose a fresher leaf that way!" I spoke to her exuberantly. She looked up. Perhaps I had managed to lift her spirits after all. And whaddaya know? A new friend? I was on a roll.

"Ano…Naruto-san, it's ok…" Her voice trailed off as she gazed down. Ok. Maybe I didn't manage to cheer her up after all. Her voice….it was filled with a kind of sorrow, a quiet despair, and a subtle, stinging kind of pain that I recognised from _somewhere_….I blamed that voice for making my rational mind go blank my hard-won common sense and self-preservation instincts go out of the window.

Abandoning my policy of keeping my head down, I dashed to the front of the queue, and gently but firmly nudged the duck-haired prick out of the way, which probably, didn't earn me any friends. I grabbed 2 leaves. Ignoring Iruka's furious bellow, I ran back to the shy girl.

"Here, one for me, one for you!" I smiled. She smiled back tentatively. Success! Uh-oh. Iruka incoming.

"Eh, teacher's here, gotta go!" I turned away.

"Wait, Naruto-san! ….Thank you…I'm Hyuuga Hinata, by the way."

"Glad to hear it! No probl-" Iruka made his way past the students milling about eventually. Grabbing me by the scruff of the neck, he hoisted me into the air and started his favourite activity: bawling me out.

I waited until he released me and scampered back to my seat. Holding the leaf on my forehead like how everyone else was doing, I clumsily formed the handseal Iruka sensei was talking about and imagined the leaf sticking to my forehead.

The leaf fell.

I tried again. The leaf fell.

Iruka's eyebrow started twitching. The duck-haired prick, now with a leaf on his forehead, rolled his eyes condescendingly.

I tried again. Same result. Iruka's eyebrow twitched more. Thankfully, the arrogant bunt had lost interest in me.

I tried again, and was shocked at how purple a person's face could get. Iruka looked like he was about to have an apoplexy.

"Uzumaki Naruto! What do you think you're doing! You're using too little chakra! Don't try to slack off!" Now everyone was looking and snickering at me. Except the pale-eyed girl…no. Not the pale-eyed girl.

Her name was Hinata. Hyuuga Hinata. The first person my age to speak to me. A veritable milestone.

She stared worriedly at me, biting down on her lower lip. I raised my eyebrow at her. She already succeeded at the task, the second to do it after Mr Do-and-Know-it-all. She mouthed "Don't worry. You can do it" to me.

Warmth suffused my cheeks. Hey, I was a boy. Albeit a socially challenged, emotionally damaged, physically abused boy. This, actually, could have accounted for my reaction a little, if I thought about it.

"Yeah! It's easy!" I mouthed back. She smiled and looked away. I sat back and began to contemplate my task. Apparently, I had been using too little chakra, according to Iruka sensei.

Wait a minute. How did I know how much chakra I was using or not? The answer struck me. I couldn't. If I had been applying too little chakra despite my many efforts...….then trial and error wouldn't do me much good. I had to learn to feel my chakra, be in sync with it. Which brought me to the question.

How in the world does chakra feel? Is it something like my senses? Sight, or touch or taste? Tasting chakra….ok. Probably not. I tried to recall what Iruka sensei mentioned about chakra. "Chakra is essentially an energy that resides in all living beings. It is formed from our spiritual and physical energies. We can do wondrous things with chakra…." That was it! It resided within me and was composed of my physical and spiritual energies. Which meant….meditation. Which implied delving deep into my psyche. This wasn't going to be fun. Still, if it was what it took to master being a ninja and fuuinjutsu….

I got off my chair and seated myself on the floor in seiza position, trying to ignore Iruka's twitching eyebrow and the stares of the few students who weren't absorbed in their tasks. Don't think about it, don't think about it….oh my god, the eyebrow twitcheth! Ok, enough of that. I closed my eyes and blocked out the outside world. Then, I went inside. I cleared my mind, chasing away all the doubts and darkness in my head. I put all the pain that I'd experienced, the secret, hidden disappointment and resentment I held towards the Hokage for not protecting me better, the fear and shame of the unspeakable things that was did to me into a giant iron-clad box. After what seemed to be an interminable amount of time, I was ready. Only me, and the desire to discover my chakra remained. Then I went in search of the thing that might be my salvation. My chakra.

In my mind's eye, I imagined a hidden energy running through me, through my veins like quicksilver. I tried reaching the tiniest amount of it, visualising it gathering near my forehead. After 15 minutes, I tried the leaf exercise again. No luck. Damn. I tried harder, with another leaf. Same results, and through a crack in my eyelids I saw Iruka visibly restraining himself and people starting to throw me curious stares. Hinata was getting more and more worried.

Goddamn it, I was _going_ to accomplish this task. I calmed myself down. If I couldn't control my chakra output when I was calm, I sure as hell wasn't going to succeed mad. Well. If looking for it wasn't working, let's try another method. I stopped trying to imagine it flowing through my veins, and settled down. My mind imitated my body, and stilled, becoming receptive to the slightest disturbance in my body. Slowly, the outside world faded as I focused on _not_ doing anything, and being receptive rather than reactive.

As I sank deeper into my meditative trance, I felt something coursing within me, like a furious river crashing through pathways in my body. That was it! My chakra! I probed at it tentatively, trying to ensure that I'd managed it. I didn't want it to fade away from me. For a moment, my control faltered as I juggled trying to just _feel_ it and reaching out to it, and I nearly snapped out of my trance, but I somehow managed to regain it quickly. I opened the eyes of my mental self, and gasped. My chakra, a furious torrent of painfully bright blue tossed and charged about me. This was my power, my chakra? Was everyone else's chakra the same as mine? Was this how shinobi felt, when they managed to access and synchronise with their own chakra?

As I stood in amazement of the sight before me, I accidentally touched the raging stream that was my mental manifestation of my chakra. It drew me in instantly, before I knew what had happened. I was immediately blinded by the sheer power I felt. My chakra drenched me, coated me and for a moment I felt nigh omnipotent. All my worldly worries left me. What was Konohagakure again? Just a mere trifle that I could demolish easily. What was my past, compared to this? The pure power that was _mine_ and mine alone washed away all my doubts, all my fear, all my pain.

It took me and immersed me in that sensation of absolute freedom, of power, of peace at long last. I cloaked myself in my chakra and gloried in it, and for a brief moment of self-discovery, realised that there was so much power left, hidden behind this façade, this surface, superficial power. So much potential, lying deep within me. I tried reaching for it. Later on, when I thought back about this, I realised how deadly my own chakra could be to me. It had completely intoxicated me with illusions of power, which I, in my so very short but bitter life, did not only lack, but was completely denied of, instead being subjected to everyone's whims and fancies. But not now.

I reached for the power I could sense lying within me, and for an instant, enlightenment flashed through me that _this_, all this, was wrong. The realisation that came to me later of my carelessness and imprudence burned me like a sun, but at that moment, I didn't care. The ghosts of my past came back to haunt me, the first time I was violated playing itself over and over in front of me, and for a moment, I reeled back, and nearly jerked out of my mental plane. That was right…..I was weak. I was so weak, I couldn't even protect myself. I couldn't protect myself as an infant from negligence in the orphanage, I couldn't protect myself from the mobbing and beatings on the streets, I couldn't protect myself from the various jutsu the ninjas, as self-righteous as they pleased, rained upon my barely 2 year old body. I couldn't even protect myself from-I shuddered-_them_. Then my chakra overwhelmed my senses again, and my inner demons were washed away before they even manifested here, in the place where my power ran rampant.

I stretched my senses out to the well of my power, my hidden potential…..and ran into something. My mental probe fell short. In my chakra-induced daze, I grew furious. How dare my own power defy _me_! I forced myself against the grey barrier my mind conjured for me, the visualisation of the barrier separating me and my true potential, locked deep within the bowels of my body, mind and soul. For a moment, nothing happened, as I strained against it. Then, something snapped, and the chakra I held ran loose.

I was thrown against the walls of my mind, helpless, no longer in control of my power. Dimly, I was aware of my body, which was cloaked in a flickering blue chakra cloud to the distress of the class and Iruka sensei. Hinata-chan was inching closer to me, eyes wide and anxious, _begging _me to be alright, and for a brief moment, I felt happy that someone cared so much for me, before my chakra hurled me into another wall. I began to struggle, feeling a sense of suffocation, and my chakra, as though feeling an intrusion and taking me for an invader, turned on me, and I felt my skin sloughing off, only to be repaired as fast as it dissolved due to my enhanced regeneration. My inner demons began to advance on me, whispering messages of hatred, fear, agony. They brought up the helplessness I'd always felt when I was assaulted, the despair and hopelessness of being under a death sentence unless I obeyed the council and the villagers and cooperated to turn my life into the worst hell they could envision for me, and the deep burning hatred and rage I held for this entire fucking village. Even the Hokage who cared and protected me as best as he could. Hinata-san who was the first to worry for me. Iruka-sensei, who was strict on me, but at least treated me like a human being, didn't refuse to teach me, and even gave me food. They were part of the village which treated me so damnably.

Then _something_ deep, deep within me laughed, and I nearly wet my pants. A common enough occurrence, for me, if someone acted violently enough against me. After all that's been said, for someone like me who's been through enough pain, its claws never leave you. Instead of being resistant to pain, like those who had experienced it often enough, a being who had lived a life only of pain would never be free from the fear and control that pain had over it. But this sound was different. It filled my soul with ice that didn't seem to melt, and even the river that represented my chakra seems to slow its attack on me, as its colour slowly began to turn from blue to a deep blood-red. The _Something, or Someone_ in me laughed again, and I caught a hint of fangs and claws as the blood-red chakra washed over me and I vanished from my mindscape in a haze of agony.

"Uzumaki! Wake the fuck up!" "Naruto-san! Are you alright? Please wake up!" "Hmph, what a dobe, trying to impress people…..he probably burned through whatever chakra reserves he had, and is now dead. Useless, incompetent trash….."

Ugh. I had a pounding headache, and the voices weren't helping much. I opened my eyes cautiously, wincing as bright light pierced my eyes. As the light cleared, I could see where I was. I was lying facedown in the classroom, and Iruka sensei was berating me while furiously checking my vitals. Roughly. Ouch, ouch, careful with the ribs…..For all that was coming out from his mouth, though, I could see a concerned look in his eyes as he began to wrap some bandages around me. Apparently, my skin sloughing off his my mindscape also transferred here, then. Hinata-chan was crouched near me, indecision, worry, care and fear warring within her violet eyes, as her fingers hovered near my face, as though she wanted but didn't dare to touch me. Ah. Hyuugas. My rational mind was clearly returning, after the power trip. Prestigious clan. They probably beat up anyone who even _thought _a kind thought about me. Still. That she cared about me, even if she didn't act on it made me happy.

"Uzumaki! You …..BAKA!" ARGHHH! When did Iruka's head become so biggggg? Scary….."Listen to me!" I jumped. "Why didn't you follow my instructions!" He glared at me.

"Ah. They….didn't seem to be working for me…."

"That's no excuse! You're simply slower at it! This is the way it's always been taught to beginners! You need the handseals to feel chakra! This exercise has been carefully designed to teach even civilians the basics of chakra moulding! It's a wonder how you screwed up!"

"But…I did tap into my chakra-"

"You nearly blew through it all! You could have died from chakra exhaustion! Only some very _extenuating_ circumstances saved you!" He wriggled his eyebrows meaningfully, and I caught what he was trying to say. Only the Kyuubi saved me. A memory of a blood-chilling laugh and claws and fangs ran through my mind. Perhaps it really had, after all. I shivered. I didn't like the fox, on basic principles, since I regarded it as the entity which was responsible for fucking my life up as it was, and I wanted as little as I could to do with it. Iruka continued unabated, running over Hinata's stuttering attempt at speech like an ANBU against genin. "Even your chakra was pathetic! It was barely even visible, and was the weakest stuff I'd ever run across, even considering your circumstances!" Huh? That….was weak? But I had felt so invincible….I felt lost. If that was weak, perhaps I had nothing to do with being a ninja after all. Perhaps I was doomed to spend my life as the whipping boy, whore, cum bucket, toilet slave and whatever the village felt like doing with me at whatever time. Then a thought struck me, as Iruka dragged me up and ordered me to go to the infirmary. I stumbled out of the classroom, heading in a random direction. I had no intention of receiving a colonoscopy for no rhyme or reason again, which was given to me the last time I visited a medical institute. Colonoscopy with an exceedingly large and rusty surgical blade. Without anaesthetic. And some injections which made me puke blood and my head spin and my vision off whack. Nope. That particular experience put a fear of doctors in general in me.

I shook myself out of the past, grimacing as I did so. I couldn't allow myself to remember all these nonsense. I had a goal. To become stronger, so I could free myself from the seal on my back and escape this hateful village. Even though I would miss the old man….and perhaps Iruka sensei and Hinata-san. And to find out my parentage. I focused on my original thoughts before I got side-tracked by my twitchy mind.

What if both Iruka and my feelings were right? What if my chakra was both weak and strong at the same time? Iruka stated before, "It is formed from out spiritual and physical energies…" Well, my physique sucked. Being beaten to a pulp, tortured and violated on a daily basis, while suffering from malnutrition wasn't exactly the recipe for good physical energy, I guess. And for my spiritual energy…..the occasional genjutsu that was cast on me just to wreck my psyche didn't help, I suppose. Neither did the constant hate and stuff…..although the fact that I was still marginally sane should give a good testimony to my spiritual and mental fortitude. But what I had felt was undeniable. It was just so _empowering…._perhaps it was my body that was unable to express my power? It was possible, I supposed. But then again….how did wounded ninjas cast jutsu then?

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't notice her until she was next to me. "Naruto-san!" She cried out breathlessly, as she ran up to my shoulder, and I jumped reflexively, fear in my eyes. Only the honorific "san" attached to my name helped keep my sudden fear from being too obvious. Yeah, I really hated people coming up from behind me. Absolutely no defence. Also. I get raped from behind. Obviously I had something for being approached from the back.

Hinata took one look at my eyes and seemed to read the fear in them. "Naruto-san, it's ok, Iruka-sensei sent me to make sure you go to the infirmary." Crap.

"Ah…about that…I'm actually ok. See?" I jumped up and down a few times, ignoring the intense pain running through my various wounds, both recently obtained from my idiocy just now, and the leftovers from last night. Hinata gave me a dubious look, which I returned with a cheerful one. "I don't need to go there. I'm A-OK!" I said, grinning stupidly. She seemed to read the hidden plea in my eyes though, because she acquiesced to my request. Thank God for small blessings….

We trudged on in silence, Hinata beside me as I wandered the thankfully vacant halls of the academy. She spoke up. "Ano…Naruto-san?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm s-ss-sorry. I didn't d-do anyth-thing to help yo-ou in there. I'm so-sorry." She stuttered, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a sob. I shifted uncomfortably. No one had ever gone crying to me before. Usually it was the other way round. I replied, though.

"Hinata-san, it's fine. It was dangerous in there, it was better not to touch me." She looked at me, almost cringing away from me. It was disgusting. I would never hurt anyone deliberately. I had experienced how that felt like. Although if you gave some few villagers to me….like those on the village council. Yeah. I'd have fun with those. I'd make an exception, just for them. God, or the Devil knows they deserve it.

"Another thing…it's Naruto, right? Don't call me Naruto-san, I don't feel right being called that."

"Ano…." She started twiddling her fingers, and I looked at her gently but firmly.

"Ok, Naruto-sa…..Naruto. Then, please call me Hinata as well." I started to protest, but she gave me the same look I'd just given her and I subsided.

We walked on for awhile more before she broke the silence again. "Naruto-sa…Naruto, may I ask something that might be sensitive to you? I fully understand if you refuse to answer, and I offer my deepest and most fervent apolo-" I cut off her stammering spiel.

"It's ok, Hinata-sa….Hinata." Apparently, we shared a few stubborn habits. "Just go ahead and ask. You shouldn't have to be so courteous to someone like me, since you're a Hyuuga." I said deferentially.

She bowed her head briefly. I felt awkward. Perhaps I'd breached something that wasn't supposed to be mentioned…..I suddenly felt panicky. What if she started distancing herself away from me? She was perhaps one of the rare safe harbours I had in this town, one of the few, perhaps even 3, if I could wing it. She was the few lights in the darkness that I could see, right now.

"I-I'm sorry, Hinata-sa….Hinata. It seems like I've offended you. Please, forgive me." I couldn't stop an anxious note from entering my voice. After some time, she looked up at me.

"It's ok, Naruto. But in the future, I'd appreciate it if you don't stereotype me." She said quietly.

Stupid. I was so stupid. Of course, I shouldn't have done that. Judging others by their surname….what was the difference between that and how the villagers judged me?

"I…" I swallowed. " understand fully, Hinata. I'm sorry, I really am."

"It's ok, Na-naruto." Her stutter was back, I noted in a passing thought. We turned down another corridor. "After all, friends shouldn't get angry over every little thing, right?"

"Friends?" I stopped walking, stunned. She was really offering to be my friend? Did she know who, no what I was? She was willing to befriend someone as filthy as me and risk sharing the hatred the village bore for me? I looked at her, and saw fear and trepidation on her face. She was also afraid of making friends, like me. Perhaps I was her first friend? This…..could actually go well, for a change.

"Yeah, friends…..if you're willing…." She hung her head again, beginning to play with her fingers in what I recognised to be a defense mechanism against emotional hurt, to help to distract her. I filed it away later and attended to the present.

"I'd like that." My voice was less steady than I would have liked it to be. She smiled.

"I'd like that too." She spoke softly.

We headed up a flight of staircases, which was also amazingly empty. She spoke. "About the question before…..I'd like to ask, did anything happen to you recently?"

I frowned. "No." Nothing, apart from the usual beatings, torture, rape, and sealing. "Nothing at all, why?" I asked her, cocking my head questioningly.

"It seems like….your chakra pathways…they have a strange disturbance."

Chakra pathways? She answered my unspoken question.

"The Hyuuga clan has a kekkai genkai, a bloodline limit. It's a dojutsu called the Byakugan, which gives us 360 degrees sight and lets us see a person's chakra network. When you were meditating and moulding chakra…." She paused. I motioned for her to continue. This was most enlightening.

"A large amount of blindingly bright chakra surged in your chakra pathways momentarily" Ah hah. I was right. I did have quite a bit of strength hidden away in me. Triumph surged through me. I could do it! I could gain strength and be strong! I could be FREE! I kept my elation off my face, though, as Hinata carried on. I wasn't trying to hide stuff from her. I simply didn't want to explain a huge bunch of complicated stuff to her which would take too much time currently.

"However, although your chakra pathways were more than large enough to contain such large and potent chakra that you possess…it suddenly got _distorted_. Yeah, distorted is the best way to put it." She nodded. "It was like the chakra was _yanked_ out of the chakra pathways and forced to a place on your back, which burnt as brightly as a sun, so much so that I couldn't look at it with my Byakugan, or I'd be blinded. This explained why you produced such weak chakra in such small quantities. Then a furious red chakra welled in the chakra network at your stomach and burnt through them. Then you started screaming in pain and collapsed. You woke up shortly after that." She stopped, lowering her head and looking at me apprehensively while I tried to understand what she told me she noticed. It all boiled down to one thing. The seal.  
>Goddamn council bastards. Goddamn villagers. My elation died and I experienced crushing hopelessness. Even though I had such strength….they squashed it. I would never, could never be free, no matter what. No one would, nay, none could help me, not even the Hokage could go against the whole village and the vast majority of his ninja forces. And the council had made sure I could not help myself.<p>

Why though? Why deprive me of such power? I was a viable military resource, after all, as the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki. Unless….I prodded my brain. Unless…..no. It couldn't be. I thought back to the immersion in my own chakra. It felt….rampant, savage, even in my mindscape. As though I wasn't fully in control, even before it turned on me. It felt choppy and irregular and…._unstable._ Volatile.

They wanted to make a bomb of me. I wasn't certain yet, and with no evidence, nothing could be proven, but a gut instinct told me I was right. Besides, the sheer sense of my chakra didn't seem fully in my control. That told me that either they wanted to use me like a puppet, which didn't sound right, since no puppet would be combat effective with such volatile chakra….or a bomb.

I pushed those thoughts away. I'd deal with them later. If I fully considered them now…..I think I might just blow myself up. Which shouldn't be possible, since I did call up all my available chakra then, and only managed to burn all my skin off. Which was probably why Iruka didn't notice much of my injuries under my cauterised flesh. Kyuubi's regeneration really rocked, sometimes. If people didn't take advantage of it to torture me beyond human limit…..But then again, I didn't focus it all to my back specifically, and since my chakra should respond to my will…Then again, they should have some failsafe against such an event. Still. According to Iruka, most if not all ninjas used their chakras like a muscle, never trying to actually synchronise their bodies with it. I could feel my chakra now, running like liquid gold under my skin, in different but no less foreign paths from my blood. Except at my back, where I felt a foreign chakra contorted in an intricate shape and my chakra distorting and moving towards it. The seal. So this was what chakra felt like. Supposedly, everyone should feel it…..no. Only skilled and powerful ninjas, I guessed. I most certainly didn't feel my chakra as part of my body, like a muscle when I tried the leaf exercise the first few times. Even if the leaf did fall off, I experienced some traction, the last few times. Not because or friction or anything. I …_felt_ something holding it there, for the briefest microseconds. Another thing to be curious about, I guessed. And it most certainly didn't mean my chakra control was through the roof, though it did mean I could feel my chakra and it felt….natural, to me. I had the thought about how a comatose man could wake up and feel his limbs but couldn't move as he did before his coma. The same thing applied, I guessed. Even controlling my chakra from my mindscape, where one should have the most control over their chakra, and before I summoned up the surge of chakra which caused the seal on my back to yank my chakra towards it, I could feel a sense of turbulence, distinctly separate from the interference and disruption that was caused by the seal. The lack of control felt more internal, like a child learning how to walk for the first time, while the seal gave me the sense of something _external_ just…..perverting my chakra for its own purposes. Without the seal, I could tell that it wasn't going to be easy to control it. Which should have seemed pretty obvious, after all. If chakra control was so easy to master, everyone would simply choose meditation instead of those exercises that Iruka had us doing, and although my method was unorthodox, I was pretty sure there had to be some people who had stumbled upon it. It was an alternative pathway, a shortcut. It wasn't a free ride. Of course, with the seal, controlling it was probably next to impossible.

Besides. If I blew myself up. The Hokage….Hinata…Iruka-sensei….I was indebted, to some extent or the other, to the three of them. Especially Hinata.

She was the only one so far who had helped me unreservedly and unconditionally. Old man Hokage did his best to ensure my safety, and I knew he'd put my safety as his foremost priority, but he accepted compromises with my welfare. Iruka-sensei helped me, no doubt, but still, he didn't do anything kind, he simply behaved like I was a normal student, and he a normal teacher. Which was pretty unbelievably good, compared to the usual treatment I receive, so I'm not complaining. But Hinata….she did her best to help me. She _befriended _me. I know. It seems so…..insignificant.

Making friends. It sounds like such a simply, ordinary thing. Everyone in the world has friends, acquaintances, colleagues, or even family and relatives. People to stand by them in times of need, in times of hardship, or when people simply don't want to be alone and want to spend time with each other. Even little kids at ages of 3 to 4 already start to make friends, to form relationships among each other in the playpen. Friends are so…..ordinary. So commonplace. So much so that we take friends for granted. Not individual friends, of course. Friendships. We always assume that even though we may have a tiff with one of our friends here, a quarrel with another there, we will still _have_ friends. We take the concept of having friends for granted. So much so that we lost sight of just how freaking important friends were. They were nearly family, outside family. The closest and best of friends could be your family, just not in blood, and the distant acquaintance you made in a café could be a really really far off cousin that you've only ever seen twice or so in your entire life.

Friends. They are vital in our social development, in our building of our psyche, in our personality and character, if nothing else.

And I never had a friend. Before her. Hinata.

I snuck a glance at her now and froze. She was cowering, he back against the wall of the corridor, and when I looked at her, she shrunk back against the wall, her hands going up to her face in an instinctive defense mechanism that I knew intimately.

What was that about? Confusion swept over me. Now, I might come off as crazy at times, but…..she seemed like she was afraid of me. I moved closer and she squeaked faintly, a sound of pure fright. Yeah. No doubt about it now. I frowned. Then I felt the ache in my face and realised my face was contorted in a grimace of rage, pain and despair. I probably looked insane. Or well. More insane than I actually am.

I eased my expression out and crouched down to her level. "Hinata, I'm so, so sorry. It wasn't your fault or anything, I'm angry because of another thing that you totally, totally are uninvolved with. I'm not mad at you. Honest." She mumbled something in response. "Pl-p-pl-please, d-don't hurt m-me," she stammered.

Oh.

My heart plummeted.

I looked at her outfit. Long sleeved, baggy . Long, thick pants. Check.

Extreme shyness, especially considering the clan she belonged to. Check. Crippling fear when threatened with violence, which might seem a normal reaction to most everyone….who weren't training to be shinobi. Check.

Viciously pushing down the fire that had began raging in me a while back, I gently pried her hands from her face. She refused to look at me, but I saw tear tracks on her cheeks. And I saw something else.

Concealer. It was faint, very faint, and it could only be spotted if one didn't deliberately look for it. Which I did. The fire in me grew larger.

Hinata sniffled and I stepped away from her, giving her time to recover her composure. At least that was how it appeared, on the outside. Inside, I felt a rush of utmost disgust aimed at yours truly.

Goddamit. For all my advanced intellect, the accelerated maturing of my mind, and I couldn't spot such obvious clues.

Her excessive shyness and introverted nature. Her stuttering. Hell. The way she didn't look people in their eyes.

How could I have missed it?

How could _I_ overlook such obvious signs when _I myself_ exhibited signs of her behaviour?

How could I ignore someone who was suffering like I was?

Ok. Maybe that was exaggerated. Far as I knew, she didn't have a big, fat, furry fox demon which killed nearly a third of the village's population sealed in her. Far as I knew, she hadn't been subject to near a score of assassination attempts just after birth. Far as I knew, having your skin and flesh roasted off by an _exquisitely_ slow fire till death's door, and having the whole experience being repeated after regeneration provided by a big-ass fur ball in one's belly pulled one back to the living was exclusive to me. She certainly hadn't had her eyes put out by red hot pokers. Nor had she been poisoned every opportunity her care-takers had with the most painfully lethal toxins possible. And she most definitely had not….I recalled the events.

_Eyes hurt, eyes hurt eyes hurt so much so much so much no light only darkness and pain and….sound of laughter no. No no no. They're still here. Oh God. More pain. Help God help. Why ask God? He probably hates a monster like me. Ask Satan. Ask the Devil. I'd do anything to escape this village this hell. Please. I know I'm a monster. Just let it end. Just let this monster die, please. I'm already a monster. Please don't make me ask the Devil for help. Don't make me become even more of a monster. Light's returning. Eyes regenerating. I can see again. Blurry images. Flash of light. Feel cold steel next to sore nether regions below. NONONONOPLEASENO-! Half formed eyes jerk wide open. See red eyes, nothing but red eyes…_

I pulled away from that memory shaking. That was when some villagers started thinking screwing me as a guy wasn't too hot. They'd tried to change my gender, by removing my male gonads and hypnotising me into thinking I was female. Didn't work the first time. Nor the first hundred times. It worked somewhere around the 462nd time. Their theory was that monsters had to feel pain in order to obey and _be good._ My theory was that pain could do anything and everything. When I turned into a female, they were usually able to torment me more,, thus their penchant for that method of torture. In order for me to regain my masculinity, I had to dig out my female gonads and picture being male genitals in their place. Rinse and repeat until it worked. See? Pain. Best instructor. However, they didn't want be being too accustomed to a single gender. See, the way they thought, if they alternated me between genders, they could mindfuck me more. And yeah. Cause more pain, since they could use male and female specific torture implements on me. They had this bright idea a year and a half ago. A year and a half too early.

But while Hinata had never suffered as I suffered, I too, had never been hurt by family. Not that I had family.

Not that a monster was supposed to have family.

But.

Family _wasn't_ supposed to hurt its own. Besides, Hinata wasn't a demon, a slut, a….._thing_ like I was. Why did her own family hurt her?

My arms trembled. Rage, fury, confusion, sorrow, and a miasma of other emotions that couldn't-_wouldn't- _be identified whirled around me, clutching my heart and squeezing it hard.

I didn't know what to do. I looked down at the sobbing girl at my feet, who was supposed to be the pride and joy of her family, of her _prestigious Clan_, but was hurt and beaten by them. I wanted to stomp off in a rage and try to inflict whatever retribution I could manage against those that would hurt someone like Hinata, someone who was human, who wasn't _me_. I wanted to take her in my hands and erase all the suffering she went through. I wanted to collapse next to her and let my own suffering, my own memories engulf me in a panic attack similar to hers.

I did none of these things. I knelt down next to her and held her hand lightly but firmly, ignoring her instinctive recoil at my touch. I remained until she calmed down. Then, I lifted her up.

"I'm sorry, Hinata. I wasn't angry at you. Honest. I would never hurt you."

"N-n-na-naruto? Yo-you won't hur-r-rt me? Hon-_sniffle_-honest?"

I gathered her in my arms. "No, Hinata. I would never hurt my friend."

"Fri-friend?" She sniffled, then wiped her face with the sleeve of her T-shirt. She looked up at me, face running with concealer and tears and mucus and huge eyes that spoke of fear and loss and a very small glimmer of fierce hope.

I smiled. I would have wiped her face with the sleeves of my shirt, but I'd dirtied her enough by hugging her.

"Friends, Hinata. If you would."

She punched me lightly. Unknown to her, she struck me in a sore area. I ignored it. She was more important than I was.

"Of course, you baka. Besides" Her voice regained some firmness. "Where would I find another friend?" Her voice softened. "Naruto….Thank you."

We held each other for what seemed like an eternity, only breaking apart when the bell for dismissal interrupted our reverie.

Both of us had just made our first friends. Even though, deep down I knew that such friendship couldn't last. After all, no matter what, I was a monster. I was responsible for countless deaths due to the Kyuubi, and even after it was sealed, I was still accountable for more than a hundred. So many terrible deeds that I had done. So many terrible deeds done to me. I was sullied, contaminated, by my abuse, and by the demon in my belly. Why would she want to be friends with someone like me? No, it couldn't last.

But as I went home that day, avoiding any contact with the villagers prior to the hell that would come after the sun set, there was a very faint spring in my step.

I had my first friend.

**A/N**

Ok, sorry for the late update, I was distracted. Sigh. I don't know, man. Writing battle scenes in first POV would be super screwy. Even though Jim Butcher pulled it off fantastically in the Dresden Files. But he's a pro. I'm not. But then again. I want my Naruto to be someone like …Batman. AN emotionally troubled, abused, psychologically damaged Batman. Ok here's where this story is going. I'm gonna give Naruto smarts and power, but the seal on his back would interfere with his power. Basically, he's a nuke. And Danzo's plan is that since Sarutobi Hiruzen likes Naruto, even though he can't shelter him from everything since a Kage can't kill 90% of his entire village, he would most definitely protect Minato's son from being turned into a machine, or being experimented on to allow Danzo to gain the Kyuubi's power. So he'll pervert Naruto's chakra, which is super powerful and potent from birth, even without the Kyuubi being sealed in him, which kinda jacked his reserves up quite a bit, so that Naruto becomes a bomb. When he needs it, he'll knock Naruto out, place him someplace, activate the seal, BAMF. And if he can make Naruto suffer, why not? But if Naruto blabs and the old man discovers how bad the abuse was and clamps down, the seal would kill Naruto, but wouldn't activate the explosion. He'll be a dormant nuke, which, while won't be increasing in strength as time goes by, would still be pretty damn powerful, considering that the Kyuubi's chakra would inevitably leak into Naruto's chakra system, no matter how miniscule a fragment it is. Combined with Naruto's own chakra….yeah. Imma thinking of Naruto getting an epiphany after studying fuinjutsu scrolls in the Konoha and Academy library which would help him disrupt the seal just right so that the seal would injure but not kill him.

I'm planning the villagers discover Nar's and Hin's relationship. The Hyuugas would crack down on Hinata, the villagers on Naruto, even as they get stronger covertly, by studying and training in secret. In the end, Naruto would save Hinata from the Kumo kidnappers, but the Hyuuga's would take advantage of that to pinpoint Naruto working with Kumo, inciting a general bloodbath before the Hokage could enforce his will. Because of this, Hinata would use the Jyuuken to propel Naruto far away to save himself.

Cliché training trip would then come into play and all that. Imma planning to have a pretty strong Naruto that specialises mostly in Space/Time ninjutsu, Kenjutsu, Taijutsu and Fuuinjutsu. His sole ninjutsus would be the Rasengan, taken to incredible levels, and his Genjutsu is simply put, mind-based. It is super blunt and unsubtle and obvious, but he uses it like a battering ram. He'd be a chakra powerhouse, a kenjutsu powerhouse….yeah. It's a super Naruto fic, guys. I won't give him too many jutsu, though. I mean. Jutsu are techniques that manipulate the elements, so why not just manipulate the elements straight off? Besides, no matter how powerful an attack is, you only need a stab to kill someone. His elemental affinities would be Fuuton, Katon, Suiton and Doton. No Raiton. Until he gains the Rinnegan, not Sharinnegan or some shit. The Rinnegan. Not because of bloodlines or anything. But because he deserved it. He'll get it by finally managing to control light and dark, creation and destruction. And this power would manifest in the form of a dojutsu **similar** to the Rinnegan. Pure effort, thanks to some S/T manipulation, some Fuuinjutsu, some Kage Bunshins, and a whole lot of genius and chakra.

He'll have Sage Mode. It'll be something like Warcraft. His Sage mode would start with his learning from every animal until he nearly becomes too much like one, when he realises the danger and tries to become one with nature using his own path. Yes, guys. One with Nature itself.

His enemies would be pretty piss powerful, but mainly, his own enemy would be himself. About how he should restrain himself, because of his past memories making him doubt himself and his cause. Because he shouldn't be granted this kind of power. Because…many things. Yeah. Emo Superman.

This story would involve Naruto helping people because he _had_ to, due to simple, basic humanity, even though he would deny it and say that he simply felt like it. But people would turn Naruto away despite everything because in the beginning, he was their scapegoat since he was Kyuubi's vessel, and after he got strong, they feared him and thus ostracised him. In the end, would they accept him or not?

Ok, that's the gist of this story. Kinda introspective, but I WANT SOME BATTLE SCENES! And it'll be super hard to do in first POV. And the emotional bit would be less compelling in 3rd POV. If only I was Jim Butcher….

Tell me if you don't like or like any part of the prospective storyline. I need some feedback, since I'm not that sure my ideas are any good. And I need some people to help me with Jap translations, I might need to use some Japanese for terminology. This IS about a Japanese-based manga in the end, innit?

Oh and I forgot. I'm not Kishimoto Masashi, Naruto doesn't belong to me. I can't draw for shit and I don't know Jap. C'mon. It's not like we can make money from this stuff. It's pure entertainment.

P.S Sorry for the super long A/N. I just wanted to know if my story would be a flop or not. I know it may take some suspense outta the flaps, but, hey. This is my first story. And you're just seeing the outline. The devil is in the details, man.

Review on both the storyline and the chapter please. Also the rating and categories. Thanks guys. First time author. Need this help. Signing off. See ya soon.


End file.
